Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My ass is underappreciated
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
