Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
