Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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