Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
