Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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