I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
