I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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