So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize