I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He passed out mid-signature
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
