why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
