I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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