pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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