Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
