Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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