Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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