Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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