You can't special order awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
