Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
