Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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