blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
