I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
