Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
