So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
