Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
