my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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