I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize