I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize