I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
