I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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