They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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