if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
