I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize