Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
