saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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