how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
