Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
