When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My life is pants optional.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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