I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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