I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
