On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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