All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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