saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize