Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
