my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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