im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
