I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you never un-have a 4some
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
