At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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