Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
