I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
