so that wasnt chicken after all
...so i touched it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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