New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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