dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
