Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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