I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
