fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
