We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
