ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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