Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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