my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
