bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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