Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize