Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
