what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
