drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
