I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize