Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
