I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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