He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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