I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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