She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize