is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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