It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize