She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
